light

so many posts to write to update between the last dr visit on feb. 23rd and things coming up...but I've never written a post on this blog unless I was led to post it.  So, those will hold....this is what's on my heart today.

So, from Saturday to Tuesday of this week, i was a mess.  Crying, no.  Hopeful, double YES.  A sweet friend gave me encouragement on Sat., but I took it to a whole notha level....Totally sinking my hope on her 'hunch'.  In my mind, I was 'trying to figure it all out'.  When would my due date be?  Oh, that stomach bug last week was totally a symptom of pg.  Googling symptoms of possible period and possible pregnancy(haven't done this one in months?!).  AAAHH.

SeRiouSly????  REALLY?  Umbrella girl,  what is UP with you?  Oh, it's called letting your mind run wild and your flesh, also.  It's also called being self absorbed.

Saturday morning, Hope.
Negative test, Sunday morning.
Supposed to start on Monday.  Didn't.
Monday afternoon, negative test.  (evaporation lines, never seen that before!)
Not Tuesday.
Tuesday afternoon, negative test.
Not Wednesday.
Not Thursday morning.
Spotting came Thursday afternoon.
Period today, Friday.

But, Wednesday, it was a totally different day.  In my quiet time...I read, "Look for what is unseen(the peace that God gives), not what is seen"(having a baby).

Bible Study was so great on Wednesday night..."You can't have spiritual comprehension when you are self absorbed."

And, then today, I read in Jesus Calling. (my emphasis)

"But Eve focused on the one fruit she couldn't have (baby) rather than being thankful for the many good things freely available(so much in Christ).  This negative focus darkened her mind, and she succumbed to temptation.
When you focus on what you don't have or on situations that displease you, your mind also becomes darkened....you look for what is wrong and refuse to enjoy life until that is 'fixed'."

Hello??!!!

At the top of the page, I wrote "ME!!!  THIS PAST WEEK!!!!"

Learning about how to be teachable.  You have to admit when you mess up.  In the beginning of the week, my mind was darkened.  Thank goodness for Jesus who is THE light.

"But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin." 1 John 1:7

But, the coolest thing is that Jesus gave me the greatest peace about it all when I started.  There were no tears, not a ton of disappointment, but a lot of peace and hope and joy.  That is Jesus, the LIGHT.

Praise You, Jesus.