love

here is the code we ttc-ers live by.

TTC: trying to conceive

CD: cycle day

BFP: big fat positive

BFN: big fat negative (on a pg test)

PG: pregnant

so, i started getting a few cramps around 6 pm last night (CD 23).  Nothing big...then, I went to the bathroom and found spotting.  I was SO excited!!!  THIS is implantation bleeding!!!  This is what they talk about but I never have seen!  Yippee!!  My ship has come in...or zygote!!

cue the cramps to get worse.  A LOT MORE WORSE.  (that's incorrect grammar)

cue more spotting, A LOT MORE SPOTTING. 

cue me crying on the couch knowing these cramps are way too intense than they should be. 

cue the text to design girl.

but then, it only took about an hour for me and hubs to google and convince ourselves it was just implantation bleeding and that i was pg. 

this morning proved otherwise. 

had started the full flow and full crampies. 
cue the too tired to cry.

cue the text to design girl updating her from last nights text. 
cue the email to sweet girl in response to her email.
cue the texts to crafty girl and sugar girl (this friend is so sugary sweet...let's call her this!) who had updates from me just hours before.

cue the texts to boss girl and coworker girl to tell them in words written bc i wouldn't have been able to say them in person for fear of going into the ugly cry.

then, cue more crying bc my friends are so sweet.

so, I drove to school and saw this....

and this....

and I was praising the Lord with me some ipod music...none of the 'oh the trial i am in' song...just simple praise. 

and, I thought...God has so much love that is deeper than the sea for me...how can I waller in my tears?  Sad? yes. Disappointed? yes.  He gives comfort and His way is perfect.  He is ALWAYS on time. 

i also thought about those clouds. 

First Truth:

what are above those?  the SUN!  If I can be mature enough and strong through Christ, I should not focus on the clouds, but on the SUN/SON above the clouds. 

Second truth:

I realize that ABOVE the clouds (trials), I can KNOW that the SON is seeing me through it all.  And, those little pockets of sunshine is the hope that HE gives. 

and, my day went SO MUCH BETTER than it could have because of that nugget of truth the Lord gave me today. 

His LOVE is stronger, His LOVE is deeper, HIS LOVE is purer than any other.

and then I thought later...how sweet the Lord is to not let me have to see another negative pg test!!  My period came first and I am thankful for that.