divulging secrets

definition of secret:
something kept hidden from others or known only to oneself or to a few,


so, the last thing I wanted to do is to let my secret out.....

im struggling with infertility. 

infertile.

struggling. 

those two words show weakness and loss of control.

Over the past few years, i have hidden this little secret from coworkers, parents, best friends, old friends, new friends, close friends, family members, and family friends.  I feel like i'm writing dr. seuss.

But, as time went on gradually hubby and i have shared this with others.  First, two years ago told the parents...preparing them on the front end that we don't have an announcement, just wanted to tell them.

A few months go by..

Then, I told 2 friends that I confided in...one, a close friend who went through her time of waiting for her husband and the other a 'parent turned friend' who i unloaded on one morning in my classroom whose sisters have been going through some same types of struggles.

Skip a year or so...shared with some friends in Sunday School. 

Skip to the Summer...told a c'oworker turned friend'.

Skip a few months...then, told a few close coworkers and boss.
Skip a couple of weeks...told my two good friends from college days. 

Then, God used a coworker to ask me the question.  Why wasn't I willing to share it? 

Wow, the tears flowed. 

I starting thinking that it was a pride issue, and it may could have been. 

But, it also was a 'i don't want to hear advice from anyone' issue, too. 

So, within just a few weeks, the Lord began to speak to my heart and I realized He wanted me to share it with my coworkers during my devotional I was going to lead.  I really began to have a peace about it. 

I NEVER wanted to share the story about our infertility with my coworkers (or anyone else for that matter) unless it was followed with a pregnancy announcement.

But, my ways are not His ways and what a great adventure the Christian life is and our journey of infertility continues to be. 

The sweet truth the Lord showed me was that I knew we would be so thankful to God if and when we get a positive test...but we can be thankful to God when we are in the middle of it and that is what I wanted to share.

Infertility can be a very lonely place, but I know that sharing my story helps.

So, I was able to share with my sweet coworkers and everyone has been OH so supportive!!!